The Final Goodbye

Feels strange to write this post. I never thought there would be a day when I would have to write about my break up. Yes Aiden (aka Phunk) and I have have broken up. Every couple has issues. Some of which can be solved, whereas some problems do not have any solutions. We had problems too. We both made a list of issues so that we can get them out of our way and make our relationship more stronger. Like I said, we found answers to some of our problems...then came d other type of problems. To which there were no answers. So we had a long discussion as to what should we do now. Even though none of us wanted it, we decided to part ways because these problems were gonna stick in the future as well.

Since two days I am feeling empty. It used to be in my routine to sit in front of the laptop at 9pm and start chattin away with Aiden. Since two days I sit in front of the laptop........and just sit. Its like I lost my direction in life. If you ask me whether I think we made the right direction....even though it feels awful, I know we did. Today I have this memory of a fairytale which I got 2 live. Some1 who treated me like a prince and catered to my every whim. Yes it was shortlived but still, I will cherish the memory all my life. I dont want my memory to be tainted with anger, fights, frustration and hatred which would have have hapenned had we continued this relation. If not now, then a few years from now when we were living together. I would prefer breaking up now than hating each other after a few years. I know I sound cold and heartless. I feel cold and heartless.

I know Aiden. He is gonna go on a wild guilt trip, blaming himself for everything. But the truth is, even for a few months, you made my life and my word such a wonderful place. You loved me like I never thought I could be loved even though sometimes I gave you a real hard time. You were always patient with me, sumtimes treating me like a child having tantrums. God knows how you got so patient. But that is one of your attributes. You have such a caring and loving soul. It was an honour to know you Aiden. And it was a pleasure loving you. Thank You for being such an awesome part of my life. They say ex's cant be friends. Dunno if its true. But I do hope that someday we can be great friends. Cz I dont wanna loose such gem of a person.

Now for my final words, yes final. This blog was Nathan's blog. Who was Aiden's boyfriend. That was my identity for this blog. But now we both arent together. So continuing as Nathan would only be even more hurtful. I wont delete the posts or anything. Everything is here if someone ever wants to read our story. I just wont be posting anymore. I would like to thank everyone who has followed my blog and commented on it. Thanks to all of you for your precious time. And thanks to Aiden for making Nathan my identity. Without you this wouldnt have been possible. All my good wishes for everyone. It was awsome interacting with you all. This is Nathan..................signing out.

The Fading Veil

This is a post which might create a negative feelings about me. But before judging me, try to be in my shoes to see how it feels.

I think every1 who belongs to a conservative culture and is gay has two kinds of profiles, a gay profile and a straight profile. Atleast many people i know have two profiles. Not talking about everyone. Me and Aiden (a.k.a Phunk )have added each other on our straight profiles as well. It came to my knowledge today that one of Aiden's orkut gay friends was also added in that straight profile of Aiden. That's fine too. Its Aiden's profile. He has a right to add anyone he wants. But that guy went through Aiden's friends list (which has 80 people by the way) and sought out my straight profile. A straight profile is where i keep my original pic as my display pic, it has pics from my university, my family pics.

Aiden has been blogging about me for quite a while now which has made people very curious about me. Also i defended him at one occasion and that, apparently, made people even more curious about me. Aiden is a gem of a person! He has made my world such a wonderful place to live. And I do respect those people who adore him. But all of you see me as "Phunk's boyfriend Nathan"..........which is only a part of me. I am a person as well who feels very strongly about his privacy! You guys are curious bout me? Talk to Aiden, talk to me.....but please dont go and violate my privacy like this! My ture identity means the world to me. Which is why I created an anonymous profile on orkut and here. So please........respect me as an individual. Thank You.

Not-So-Teenage Dream

Hey ppl. I am back! The last fews weeks I was in Pakistan for vacations. Didnt have net access there so cudnt come online and blog bout things dat were worth blogging. So dis post is like a brief review of my best vacations ever!

First let me tell u a bit bout my bf. I am gonna call him Aiden. Some ppl also know him as Phunk. I met him online a few months ago. I had posted a topic in a community n he ws d 1st 1 to respond. Dats where it all started. We argued alot n it ended in us being frnds which later bloomed into us going out. Well not exactly going out considering dat v live in separate countries but u knw wat i mean :) So dis June ws d 1st tym i ws gonna meet him. Super nervous. Anyways d day came 2 meet him.....n it ws everything I cud'v hoped 4! I ws mostly worried things wud b awkwrd. Or worse, wat if he is sum psycho killer!!!! So dere i ws in d mall where v had decided 2 meet n i spotted him. N he ws everythin i ws hoping....smart, snappy dresser, educated, mannerred! V had an awsum 1st date n then v met a few more times. He took me to new places where i hadnt been b4 n ordered things 4 me which he knew I liked like pasta n cheesecake! He had planned all wonderful dates for us.....4 me. Feels so gud 2 have sm1 who plans 4 u! Plans so dat u have a gud tym........ah bliss :)



Apart frm dates, he also used 2 bring me d latest episodes of programs dat i ws watching at dat tym. It ws like another small treat. Another surprise. Compared how much Aiden did 4 me, I didnt do nythin 4 him. Even in Pakistan he n i were stayin in like d opposite ends of d city! He used 2 cum all d way over 2 my place cz i didnt have a car n he never ever said a word bout it. It ws like he took it 2 b his duty 2 ensure dat I am totally at ease n happy. And most important of all, he respected d limitations I had imposed on intimacy due 2 our religious restrictions. He never pressurised me or forced me or tried 2 take advantage........where d hell did I get my own Edward from??

The other half of my vacations wasnt much pleasant as my mum had 2 undergo a very minor surgery. Minor yes, but its my mum. It ws like way 2 scary 4 me. N he ws there 4 me all d tym! He made it bearable 4 me by telling wat's wat n wat's not. If it werent 4 him, it wud'v been very rough 4 me. Sadly my vacations didnt end as v had planned due to stupid riots n stupid rain! But i did get 2 c him 1 last tym b4 leavin. I cn liv wid dat till next yr :)

I dunno wat I did 2 deserve a guy lyk him but I do wish dat every1 gets a guy who treats them d way Aiden treats me cz every1 deserves 2 live in a dream atleast 1c in their lives :)

Fitting In

So, its been ages since my 1st blog and if any of you is wondering, I am alive ;) Had exams since the 1st week of June but have been immersed in books since May. Relieved that now till 2 whole months I wont have to study anything!! Well 4 months to b exact considering that I dont study till a month before exams anyway :p The very next day of my last exam, 1 of my friends who is studyin in Malaysia came to Oman for a few hours. So I and my other friend went to meet him. It was there that I realized how different we are from regular straight guys.

I am a perfect example of a typical gay guy. I am not at all into sports. All I know about sports is that people run after balls for sumtimes the whole day!! But thats life if you are into men right? ;) Same with cars. I SO dont have any interest in cars!! All I require is an awesome AC and awesome music system in a car (U readin Phunk?? :P ) So whenever the conversation turns to sports or cars, I kinda zone out and just nod and smile if asked for my opinion. Ths is exactly what happenned that day. The conversation turned to oh-so-irritatingly-much-talked-about football!!!! Everywhere I go there is discussion about footballs! Taking into consideration the number of times I've had to zone out since the last few days, it's a miracle I havent sufferred brain damage!!

At times the conversation would jump to girls and their boobs and sex. Again I would just smile and nod or pas a comment like 'Yeah she's hot!' while thinking what exactly is the hotness?! This is a regular thing when you are friends with only straight guys. They often discuss girls and their various body parts with so much enthusiasm that you are left with the feeling that sometihng is wrong with you coz you dont share that excitement. Then comes the occasional depression and the confusion that where exactly do I belong?!

At one point me and my friend from Malaysia were sitting beside each other. There was a couple walking nearby. I was looking at the guy who was quite smart. And my friend was staring at the girl. I quickly dropped my gaze before he could notice me observing the guy. All this got me to thinking that maybe I, being a gay guy, dont belong with straight people. Sure there are exception. Like my straight best friend who knows I am gay. Lets call him Auzzi. He will be a part of my blog. There is gonna be a post bout him sometime in the future. I can totally be myself with him. Sometimes he even points outcute guys to me!

But Auzzi is an exception. This post is about fitting in with straight guys. Which we cant coz we are like oil and water. We dont gel together. If you are out to your firends then that is a separate thing. Your friends know who you are and accept you as you are. But if you are not out, if you are a closeted gay, then life can become quite difficult if you only have straight friends unless you are a really good actor!!

The Ugly Truth

"I think only once in your life do you find someone that you say, 'Hey, this is the person i want to spend the rest of my time on this Earth with.' And if you miss it or walk away or maybe even blink, it's gone!"







I came across these wordings a little while ago. I do actually believe that true love doesnt knock on your door everyday. But apparently some people dont. I have a very close friend (lets call him 'A') who has been involved with this girl since more than three years. They have seen many ups and downs. The girl actually got engaged to someone else a while back. But the power of their 'true' love and efforts resulted in her engagement being called off. I know....happy ending round the corner right?

Around a month ago the girl found out dat 'A' is chatting via Facebook with another girl (lets call her 'S' ), showing her his private pics. There was a huge fight which continued for weeks but they solved it. 'A' promised never to chat with 'S' again. I know....three cheers for them right? What the girl doesnt know is that 'A' is still in contact with 'S'! He made another profile using a random name and he continued his friendship with 'S' on the new profile about which his girlfriend (and apparently the true love of his life) has no clue.

He is madly in love with his girlfriend, doesnt even want to think about breaking up with her, cant wait to get married to her and start a family.....then what exactly is the point of all this? In a way he is cheating on his girfriend cz that poor girl doent have any idea that 'A' and 'S' are still e-buddies! In my view he just wants 'S' to be around coz she drools and fawns over him and that satisfies his ego! Well then go and get a bitch! She'd drool all over you as well!!


If you find someone, the real someone, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with....you do everything you can to make it work. Dont screw it up!